I also went to Fully Booked in Boni High Street to meet my cousins and my papa's twin brother's wife. My cousin Cherie was in town visiting from Canberra, Australia. That bookstore is huge, we stayed in one corner chatting away and no one seemed to mind. We had already been there awhile until we thought of going to Pancake House to cap our chit chat with some merienda.
I was on my way home, literally steps away from home, when he sends me a text message asking me to dinner. On a Sunday. How odd. I was already set on meeting up with Bettina, an old friend from high school, who's also in Manila for vacation but has been living in LA for the longest time. Racquel was on her way to pick Bettina up when I got her text message. It was going to be the same trio we had in Freshmen year. Bettina, Racquel and Roselle. The newbie nerds in Best Section. Let's just say that I was torn. Buko or girl friends? Tough.
But he is my boyfriend. I'm finally comfortable to say that we are together. If anyone asks, I can say it without cracking up or breaking a sweat. I'm also content with the fact that even if he disappears every now and then, I believe him when he says we are together. So I chose him.
I take my time. I buy us a bottle of wine that I promised him the next time we see each other. I go home to freshen up but kept my immaculately white top on. He will like it, I think, but he won't admit it. Let alone say it. I get to the restaurant and he is already there with his dinner about to be served. He had been there a while. This is the first time I'm late for a date. But with him that is easy, because he is perpetually late. Like the White Rabbit.
"I'm late," I say. He is trying to be cool. I'm happy to see him. On a Sunday. We talk nonsense for a few minutes. I order and settle on my seat. I notice his left hand resting on the table over a face towel. I touch the towel but I already know it was going to be cold and sure enough, there was an ice bag underneath.
I try not to panic. This is Buko after all. I had always thought of him as being invincible. Unbreakable. I ask him if it hurts. He replies with a bit of sarcasm, which was really meant to say that he was in pain. I try not to fuss but it is hard, so it never entered my mind to bring him to the hospital right then and there. I ask him what he did. He said badminton. I believed it for 5 seconds and no more than that. He changes it to boxing, which I half-believed but it still didn't make things any clearer. I knew that was all I was going to get out of him.
This is why he wanted to see me. He was in pain but didn't want to show it. So I asked if we could hang out for a little longer. We moved to his place. I thought we would sit and chill on his little couch. We started that way 4 years ago. We never stayed still for so long, not then and not now. He was still keeping his left hand iced when we started kissing...
We stopped before we even got hot. I was bleeding. It was his turn to try not to make a fuss. I was scared and he was concerned. I had been looking for a way to talk to him about going to see an obstetrician. So there it was, the issue opened itself up.
"Are you pregnant?" he asks without a tremble in his voice. I was taken by surprise. He could actually consider it. No, he can actually believe it. I said that I have to see the doctor. He asked me when. My big event at work was three days away. There was no time to pause, not even for something bigger than that. Yes, this was Big.
We sat quiet together, soaking each others' calmness. His hand in pain. My mind sick with worry. This was the only way I wanted to end this day. I was home with him and I felt safe. But it was getting late so we had to go. I was going home and he had decided to sleep in his office. It broke my heart to leave.
With the looming event, I couldn't believe I was worrying about something larger than life instead. Work was my main focus for the last three weeks, but it took the back seat over this. Life was happening faster than I could anticipate. I just have to live through Wednesday then I start dealing with the next steps.
Thursday had come and gone. I'm not pregnant. I reassured my one and only girl-friend who knew about this problem. At least, I don't think I am. But I could feel that something was wrong.
Friday. Buko is in Cebu right now, with his left hand enclosed in a soft brace. I'm relieved that he is taking care of that. It is a good thing that he is away. There are some things I have to find out before I can see him again. Yesterday I admitted to myself that I do want it all. The happily ever after. Him. His baby. Us. But I need to know if it's not too late. I need to know if we still have time.
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